captain_spiky: (Renji love)
[personal profile] captain_spiky
Title: Five Things Dr. Abarai Shouldn't Have Done
Beta & Amazing: [livejournal.com profile] pb_cookie <3 (Seriously, this chick is awesome.)
Pairing: Renji/Ichigo, with a little dose of Renji/Rukia (oh, god) and Renji/Shuuhei (Renji POV).
Rating: PG.
AU: Dr. Abarai fuck yeah. (May use it for my bingo card. I'll decide tomorrow.)
For: RENJI FUCKING ABARAI'S BIRTHDAY! Let's fucking party for the guy who's made most of our lives that much sweeter, yes?
Word count: ~2000 words.

Summary: It was screwed up, and he shouldn’t have done that, and it was all Ichigo's fault. The title pretty much says it all.

A/N: GUYS, THIS IS NOT PRETTY. It was originally written in Hebrew for a Five Things/speed writing challenge, then quicky-translated, and then quicky-posted, so OVERALL, NOT MUCH WORK HAS BEEN GIVEN THIS FIC. (That includes research. All inaccuracies are mine!)
However, it's Renji's birthday, and I could not bear not posting anything. I love you, man. I hope you'll enjoy it anyway! Look, Renji the tattooed doctor! *runs*

 

Five Things: Doctor Abarai Shouldn't Have Done


1. Let Rukia go.

Renji and Rukia had been best friends since they were eight years old. They met one day in elementary school, when she was handing out candy to everyone and Renji refused to take some from her. When she asked him why, he said he didn't need anything from her and that he was taking care of himself.

He didn't have food in his backpack because the orphanage only gave him dinner, and it was a wonder he'd even gone to school, but that didn't make the fact he didn't need her candy any less true. He'd been getting his own food ever since he could remember, and there was no reason for that to change.

Rukia didn't ask him again and instead told him to help her give candy to less stubborn kids. It became a habit—each time one of them had something they could share—and with it forged a friendship Renji, at the time, thought was unbreakable.

Their friendship became a relationship rather randomly. In junior high Rukia pulled him aside and told him that there were a few nice girls in her class that she thought could become her friends.

At first Renji had thought that meant she couldn’t hang out with him anymore, but he quickly discovered what her real point was. She told him the nice girls already have boy friends, and he said, well, that's cool, you do too, and then she said, no, real boyfriends.

It turned out that she wanted him to be her real boyfriend too, and when he asked her what that meant, she kissed him. Thinking back, it was horrific, but right then it was the best thing ever. When it ended a few seconds later, Renji thought, well, no way in fuck I'm letting her do that with another guy, and said, okay, I'll be your boyfriend.

In high school it all went to shit. He got into honors classes while Rukia wasn't accepted, but he thought she was happy for him and didn't really question her about it. They were in her room and she explained to him that she’d prefer volunteering at soup kitchens and going to protests anyway, so she was better off with more time in her hands.

Her first protest was also her last. They found out that her sister's husband was a doctor who ran his own fancy private clinic, and if a member of his family were to be caught protesting against outrageous health insurance costs it might hurt his reputation.

They found out that her sister's husband also freelanced as an asshole dictator, and before Renji could even blink, Rukia lost interest in social justice and was spending less and less time with him.

Renji hated Byakuya Kuchiki, the situation Rukia had gotten caught up in, and most of all he hated himself. Just like years ago, when she didn't make him accept her candy, he couldn't make her disobey Kuchiki.

He didn't fight for her, and by senior year they separated as friends. Just like that, he lost his best friend, and the future he'd thought they could have. They could have gone to protests together, they could have changed the world, they could have started a family and all that shit. She could have made him normal.

They never slept together.

2. Believe Dr. Kuchiki wouldn't fuck him over.

Despite saying goodbye, Renji didn't give up on Rukia. He spent his years in college and med school outstandingly, and always kept an eye out for news about "Kuchiki Private Clinic". Years passed, though, and he began losing sight of the reason. He loved Rukia, he was sure of it, but after the first grueling yet hopeful months he couldn't help but wonder if she'd gotten over him already.

It didn't really matter to him; he wanted to become a doctor just as much as he wanted to reunite with her, but that fear that she didn't want him back was always at the back of his head.

Slowly, his reason changed. Instead of finding her again—Rukia, not the polite stranger he'd sometimes see on the street—he started wishing for other things. He wanted to be the most kickass doctor in his field, he wanted to surpass even Byakuya Kuchiki, and he wanted to be worth something.

He specialized in surgery because he had a knack for precision and timing, and it was Kuchiki's field. And then, because destiny had a thing about kicking him in the balls, the first thing he got offered was a sort-of respectable job at Byakuya Kuchiki's fucking private clinic.

Then again, why the fuck not?

They said he would probably have to settle for internal medicine at first, but the clinic offered the job to him out of all the residents, and what better way to surpass Kuchiki than working under him?

Renji took the job, and thanked destiny.

He shouldn’t have.

The first thing he learned was that the moment he stepped into the clinic wearing a uniform, he was expected to forget about Asshole Kuchiki and start referring to him as Dr. Kuchiki.

The second thing he learned was that if he'd thought for a moment that a clinic would be far calmer than a hospital and an ER, he'd been wrong. The hours were still crazy, and the patients' whims were even worse.

His only comfort was making a kickass new friend: Shuuhei Hisagi. Of course, he then found out Shuuhei had much better hours, and Renji started suspecting that the only reason Kuchiki had agreed to hire him was to yank his chain and make himself look better.

The sad part? Renji enjoyed it.

3. Become obsessed with Ichigo Kurosaki.

And then Ichigo Kurosaki came along.

Ichigo Kurosaki was a few years younger than Renji, and somehow he was an accomplished neurologist who got cool cases and a paycheck that covered more than a movie and a few sandwiches.

The first time he came into the clinic he had crumpled clothes and Renji was convinced he hadn't washed his hair a day in his life. He also didn't bother to try to impress any of his colleagues, sure as hell not Dr. Kuchiki.

Renji hated Ichigo Kurosaki.

Ichigo Kurosaki, in fierce retaliation, had to become Renji's obsession, because Ichigo was an inconsiderate ass and Renji had to see what made him tick. Even Renji was aware that it went beyond his usual passion for cutting people open (he was still a fucking surgeon, even if he was working at the hospital only three days a week).

The clinic was quite big, and there was always some doctor running about or patients chatting. So of course on the day Ichigo showed up there was a huge commotion, and somehow, even though Renji had made a deal with destiny—I'll stay out of it if you stay out of it—Ichigo got the office next to Renji's.

It didn't start as burning hatred, honestly. It started as curious glances that might or might not have been exchanged, and then questions directed at Shuuhei. The first time they'd actually interacted was when they both left their offices and Ichigo crashed into him, then yelled at Renji to watch where he was going, and then just left.

Maybe that was the point it became burning hatred.

Renji started following him around, when he had the time. He had a curious nature, which was probably the reason he'd developed the fucked up obsession in the first place. He questioned nurses and collected details.

Ichigo was a prodigy. He became an M.D. at the age of twenty three and had been a rising star at the hospital he'd been working at, really well-known in the neurology field. He had a pretty fucking incredible list of medical successes and some famous patients. That was the reason the nurses were all excited by his arrival, and Shuuhei just wasn't surprised. "He's the son of Isshin Kurosaki, after all," he said.

With every detail Renji discovered, he hated Ichigo Kurosaki more. He was a prime example of a kid that never had to work to get what he wanted. That had come from a family of doctors and just slid right into the slot of successful physician. That probably came there only so he could fund some research. That did everything quickly and impressively and well, but didn't bother to hide his shitty personality. Not that anyone cared, given the fact his hands were magical.

Well, Renji cared. Ichigo had invaded his territory without a second thought, without observing the battle field, without giving a fuck that they were working for Byakuya Kuchiki and he better fucking wash his hair sometimes, for god's sake. It felt like all of Renji's hard work had been meaningless. He was not going to stand by and watch.

At first he followed Ichigo to know the enemy, but after a couple of days he decided that maybe stressing Ichigo out would teach him some humility. That brilliant idea led to him sitting next to Ichigo on every break. It didn't matter if he was eating or drinking or reading something, or if Renji had more important things to do, Renji just sat next to him.

He wasn't sure if it was… well, mature it definitely wasn't, but on another level it was just disturbing. He obviously enjoyed bugging Ichigo, making him frown and curse and harden his stance just by being there. It satisfied him for sometime, but… he was beginning to discover it wasn't what he wanted at all.

It was nice to annoy Ichigo and all, but Renji wanted to know him, inside out. He wanted Ichigo to know him, and know exactly why his presence there was driving Renji so mad he couldn't help but watch his every move.

Of course, he couldn't just tell Ichigo all that, so he kept trying to prove he knew better than him and that was that.

After two weeks of stalking, Ichigo finally snapped. After two weeks of stalking, Renji had an answer ready for anything.

"For fuck's sake, this is your creepy idea of courtship? Just ask me out."

Okay, almost anything.

Okay, fuck, Ichigo found a way to prove he knew better than Renji after all.

Okay, fuck, Renji wanted to sleep with Ichigo Kurosaki.

4. Sleep with Hisagi Shuuhei while wanting to sleep with Ichigo Kurosaki.

Renji probably did it to prove something. That he didn't really care about Ichigo, or that Ichigo didn't have any power over him, or that he had interests besides Ichigo. Shuuhei didn't mind, and quite frankly, it was better than he'd thought it would be.

Since when did Renji have sex to prove shit?

It was screwed up, and he shouldn’t have done that, and it was all Ichigo's fault.

5. Want to sleep with Ichigo Kurosaki.

He had so many reasons not to want to sleep with Ichigo Kurosaki.

Ichigo was a bizarre and pathetic combination of a bullying loser and an intelligent idiot and a sexy mess, and he grated on Renji's nerves all the time, and when it came down to it, Renji was pretty cool with life the way they were.

He was a well-known medical doctor in the most valued private clinic in the country. He wasn't supposed to suddenly think, 'Hm, today I feel like fucking up my life because I want the most messed-up guy on the planet.'

Renji slept with Ichigo anyway, because what was doing one more thing he shouldn't have done?

END

on 2010-09-01 02:06 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] gypsygrrl420.livejournal.com
Oh GUH! Awesome as hell!

on 2010-09-01 02:07 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] pb-cookie.livejournal.com
Awww, I love you and more importantly Renji loves you for the determination you put into this <3 I was really surprised at the first part and a half from you, because damn, it was really... pretty fucking straight! And despite that, it was actually good, so good it made me kind of sad... and while I know this wasn't your point, for the first time ever I kind of understood where people get their angsty grrr at Rukia over Renji. !! Yeah.

Shuuhei? ... forgivable, I guess is how I'd have to put it. Because I imported art model!au Shuuhei into this and you know it

And that's all good, but not the real point, as;dlfkjdlg;kj Dr. Ichigo Fucking Kurosaki the neurosurgeon, the moody, brilliant neurosurgeon NNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnngh... and Renji stalking him just to piss him off only to realize he wanted to fuck him? classic. CLASSIC.

Despite the rush and the craziness I'd have to say getting to beta this was probably the greatest most awesome and well-appreciated surprise I could have had today.

Thanks for not forgetting him <3 <3 <3

on 2010-09-01 02:19 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] goat-dono.livejournal.com
OK I hope this was supposed to be crack!AU because it was totally hilarious, especially when Ichigo Kurosaki came along. Every time there was an f-bomb I had to stop reading and laugh 'cause I kept wondering how an f-bomb sounds in Hebrew (I'm juvenile like that.) This was very creative and awesome and random as hell and I salute thee on Renji's behalf!

on 2010-09-01 03:12 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] my-imaginating.livejournal.com
aahha this made me smile and laugh out loud. :D renji would make a terrible stalker, since his hair would give him away every time, but i could totally imagine him doing it anyway. that lovable idiot.

i forgive shuuhei too, since well, renji's hot even when he's being a bit dumb. who wouldn't want to sleep with him?

anyway, stalker renji and hot doctor ichigo is definitely for the win. ^____^ you rock.

on 2010-09-01 11:24 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] dragon5174.livejournal.com
Doctor Abarai and Doctor Kurosaki, I'd never miss a single appointment. Very awesome and I hope to see more of this.

on 2010-09-01 03:09 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] life-old-man.livejournal.com
:D Awesome. I liked how you put in all in a medical AU. And you really did a good job in portraying Renji's hesitation and weird thoughts.

Including Shuuhei was a good idea too. (and Renji sleeping with two awesome boys, omg.)

Aaaand it had humour!

(sorry for the lack of coherence, I've got a cold -.-)

*gives many cookies!*

on 2010-09-01 08:26 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] owlya.livejournal.com
A quirky little thing this. In a very good and excellent way. 8D

on 2010-09-02 12:05 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] shizukashadow.livejournal.com
Oh god yesss~ This wonderful fic inspired so many awesome mental images. Mostly Renji wearing scrubs, which is a grand thing. Oh and this line on Ichigo: That he did everything quickly and impressively and well, but didn't bother to hide his shitty personality and now I can't stop picturing him as Dr. House, popping vicodin and shaking his cane at Dr. Renji LOLWUT.

But seriously, I completely heart your Renji. He's just GAH. Fabulousness. And do want. You just do him to a T and its always a pleasure to read.

on 2010-09-02 12:55 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] hockeyiris.livejournal.com
I NEED to sleep. But I have to comment because I had to read. Wow. Love it. The backstory that you wove into it, the way you were in Renji's head and how it's all them and still not at the same time. It's 8 am and I haven't slept, I don't have to be coherent, dammit. I just have to express my love. And boy do I love. So who cares if it was quickly written and all that, it was great. Absolutely great. I can go to bed giggling over Dr. Renji Fucking Abarai wanting to fuck moody grumpy sulking Dr. Ichigo the fucking genius neurosurgeon Kurosaki. And the extra little Shuuhei mention was great.
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